Say Cheese, Nicole Richie!

Nicole, honey, damn you look hot even in a mug shot. Sorry to hear about being busted for driving under the influence by the CHiPs in Glendale, CA. But, hey, that's what happens when you take Vicodin on an empty stomach while (allegedly) high and/or intoxicated and then get behind the wheel. (Oops! Did we just say "empty stomach." We realize you have some weight "issues." Tsk tsk, our bad. You see, Nicole, that you hadn't eaten anything substantial in the previous 24 hours was just an assumption on our part.) But back to the matter at hand. You know what also happens when you drive while (allegedly) high and/or intoxicated? You drive onto the freeway in the wrong direction and get pulled over by an Erik Estrada wannabe. (Just kidding ... nobody wants to be Erik Estrada.) Anyhoo, maybe you need glasses? Still, we love ya' just the same as before, after all, you're the funny, "clever" one on the Simple Life, and you've a much more sophisticated and iconic style than that slut puppet Paris Hilton. So kick it to the curb, Nicole. You'll beat the DUI rap, even if it means 300 hours of community service (translation: 300 hours picking up litter with the hoi poloiin Griffith Park).

Posted by Thurston Ali at December 12, 2006 01:59 AM