October 12, 2004
Busy, Busy, Busy with Britney Spears on Our Minds ... More Britney Just Being Britney, Etc.
Okay, we've been on a bit of hiatus here at the Massive HQ. There's been lots and lots going on, kids. You may think we've been slacking, wasting hours re-watching Tivo-ed episodes of The Daily Show with John Stewart while snacking on Cheetos, but far from it.
There's Something about this time of year, the early weeks of autumn--especially every four years--when there seems to be this crunch time of converging and important distractions.
For the Massive, it's been 12-hour work days staring into computer screens and scrambling to meet deadlines on last-minute projects for the Big Media slavemasters ... er, clients ... who keep us clothed and fed. (It's called the Sex and Money theory, kiddies.)
But it's not just that. The Major League Baseball season is ratcheting up towards the World Series and that's drawing a lot of people to their TV screens. It's even pulling us in 'cuz we're based in New York City, and, by default, we're Yankees fans.
Then there's the distraction of the European soccer season that recently started up. Admittedly, we--well, most of the Massive--are English soccer nerds. (Operative rule: We always support the London-based Premiership teams against non-London teams, and when London teams are pitted against each other, our support defaults to a hierarchical order: Chelsea, Arsenal, Tottenham, Fulham, Crystal Palace, with Chelsea favored above all others.)
And, oh yeah, we almost forgot, there's that other distraction, that Presidential Election campaign thingy that's going on. Yo, for real, dawg, we're politically activated and have been tuning into the debates these past couple of weeks. (Dude, is it just us, or does Bush's stage twitches warrant the attention of a mental healthcare professional? Nah, we don't mean anyting political by that--we're just askin' okay!)
But what's really been eating up all our time these days and keeping us from our duties at the Massive is not our media careers, election-year politics, or sports drama. Nah! It is instead something that can be best expressed in a single word: "Britney."
Britney Spears. We've been bedazzled, betwixt and bemused and have spent countless evenings and sleepless nights debating and agonizing over what can arguably be considered one of the most important pop cultural issues taxing the mediascape's buzz meter--should Britney Spears change her last name to Federline once she marries dancer boyfriend and now fiance Kevin Federline? We mean, should "Britney Spears" be called "Britney Federline" or continue to be called "Britney Spears"?
Holy f_ck! Just thinking about this hurts our heads. (Help! Advil! Chop chop!)
Okay, so on the one side you've got the pro-Spears camp. On the other, the pro-Federline supporters. It's kind of like Bush vs. Kerry or, say, Chelsea vs. Arsenal (or the Yankees vs. the Red Sox), except way, WAY, WAAAAAAY more irrelevant to everyone's lives. Federline or Spears--either way, your future is NOT at stake unless Britney ever decides to be "political 'n' stuff" and run for elected office.)
See, kids, if you're going to become a pre-packaged teen pop-star, it's so much more convenient to take the one-name approach, ya' know, like Madonna, Eve, Beyonce, Sade or Tiffany. (Uh, wait, no not Tiffany--definitely NOT Tiffany).
We mean, even though Madonna married British filmmaker Guy Ritchie four years ago, nobody calls the material girl "Madonna Ritchie." Everyone still just calls her Madonna, right? See, one name and there's no fussy mess when you wed your back-up dancer or less culturally influential movie director.
At any rate, whatever side your gut tells you to align your views with--pro-Spears or pro-Federline--remember that like any juicy political brouhaha there's always the option of a "third way." The expedient solution may be as simple as your everday hyphen. That's right, kids, the hyphenated surname: Spears-Federline.
Okay, so this does seem like the sensible choice when two-hard-working professionals with established careers and empowered identities merge in wedded bliss. But, c'mon, the tongue is going to have trouble wrapping itself around "Spears-Federline." Just think, a brand new headache for People magazine copy editors and the hosts of Entertainment Tonight.
But with all this talk about what Britney's new last name will or will not be Britney herself doesn't seem to be anguished over it. After all she's deeply, passionately "in love," as the congratulatory Flash slide show (see pictures above) of her and Kevin on her web site suggests. These pictures--their very presence-- is just plain wrong, people! See for yourself via the linkage below for a taste of the Spears-Federline romance . Don't forget your barf bag.
RELATED LINKS
Britney Spears Official Web Site
Posted by typhoon at October 12, 2004 11:21 PM
